My 9th Sem (Post Graduation)

Hey everyone

Post Vhee.Z(J)hay.Tea.aaI, life has been a big transition for me. I worked with a BPO for like 2 months; earned a decent enough booty, spent it as well and then joined my organization here in Pune alongwith K2. We share an apartment and are on our own. Trust me, living on your own makes oneself completely different individual altogether..(Posts on that coming up soon..) Anyways, as I had mentioned in the earlier post about my ultra-awesome,outta this world training, here’s a peep into the realm of idiocy. I call it – My 9th Sem (Post Graduation).

Well, it all started on the 26th Oct 2009—my first day as a trainee. And from that day till today I am supposedly being trained on various technologies and lord knows what all crap. However, the training room scene is totally different than what is perceived from the outside. We’ve done everything that is like a BIG NO –NO in the training centre. Right from watching movies to playing LAN games—we’ve done it all. We’ve even managed to beat the n/w admins ass and get internet access to all the restricted domains as well. And what to say about the trainers! We’ve booed them, called them names and some have even slept under their nose. But one thing that is so strikingly evident in all of them is their English vocab and grammar which I so feel is encumbered by their mother tongue –(Marathi). Following are the few masterpieces that my colleague P managed to capture over the period of a month or somethhng.(I surmise he just gave up after that..!!) Enjoy..!!


1. Example made Kapil Sabil to run into the Ministry Dept.
2. Your geometry has to be closed.
3. Today’s scenarios is something, it is not something.
4. I have the quality of a product…(You bet..!!!)
5. He installed the s/w on 100s of installations.
6. The cost varies from high to very high kind of thing.
7. The bottom line is this graph i.e economics..(WTF..!!!)
8. Concept comes in some professors concept..(….?????....)
9. You are saying, everytime we are talking..(What on the earth did he mean by
this…)
10.Next is what is here..
11.Instead of going to Kulu Manali, you can start planning to go to Kulu Manali.
12.Answer is . this is idiot. (I bet you are one..)
13.You have to take care of language kind of thing.
14.Last bench..? (Some guy in the middle row answers)Trainer rebuffs-- You are not
last bench..!!!
15.Obviously you are now freezed.
16.Developers are smarty kind of thing.
17.Send it to the pending.
18.9/11 happened in you know the twin towers..
19.(While citing an ex of protocol) Next Monday,i’l find all of you are in a tie.
20.Yes..(pasues) No..(pasues some more).. talking.
21.Sachin Deshpande didn’t come means there is some runtime exception.
22.Suppose my name is Kedar..(He actually was Kedar K)
23.Create function to search Employee. IF employee not searched, throw an exception.
24.You are divided between client and server.
25.This is a part of your head.( is tag used in html)
26.If you want that status bar disply..ahh.. hmm change mozilla firefox display..!
27.I am going to consume your time.
28.Have a patience.. In a 3 days its difficult to understand me..(gimme 3 million
years and stil I wont be able to..)


Here are a few dirty ones..
1.I am just touching your basics.
2.I am just feeling the heap (pronounced as ‘hip’) area. Everyone feel the heap
area.

El Classico
1.Trainer to one of the students—“Yes-please”.. whats your name?
Student—Sir, Maninder.. Sir..
Trainer (after thinking for sometime) –“Yes-please”… Don’t talk..!!
2.(While we were watching soe movie in the last bay)—Last row is one row..!!!(We
figured out later it was “Last row make one row”).


Cheers

Lalit

P.S: The fanbulastic English vocab and the accent reminds me of my college profs and staff. Hence the name to the post.

Im Back..!!!

Hey everyone

It's been a long time that I did this. Lot of things have happened and changed in L's life in the last 4-5 months. L's played his las gig, lazied , worked in a BPO n have finally joined ATOS ORIGIN and at present is the last few weeks of his awesome, work-free training.

Ls' got loads to talk about here.

Hope all you guys are doing good. Cya soon

Cheers

Lalit

p.S: watch this space for some crazy shit happening around L.. ciao

Silence..

Finally, the day had come when He was supposed to leave. He met all of them for that one last time together, that one last good-bye and that one last hug.

She liked him from a long time but just couldn’t let it out. After hearing this news, she knew the time had come. She had to tell him about her feelings. The feelings that she had felt deep and dense inside her every-time she saw him.

They were all there at the air-port to bid him good-bye. He came and hugged her tight. He had never ever done that before. He left. She saw him go. She didn’t tell him anything.

She stood still, with a smile on her face; a wet blur in her eyes but still bliss in her heart. Because that one moment, those few seconds when he held her in his arms, she lived an entire lifetime and she was happy with that.

Some things don’t make sense even if you say them loud but some are felt even if they are never said at all. And that’s the beauty of SILENCE..

Cheers

Lalit

KAMLA KA HAMLA...

Hey everyone..Well its after a very very long time I'm back here to pakao u guys with my usually unsual stuff. This is a very funny or rather embarrasing incident that happened with me long time back. But whenever I recollect the same or revisit the same place where it took place, I end up laughing. [And you guys know like how interesting or funny an incident should be to make me laugh...:D] Well.. this is how it goes...

I was driving my way back after dropping off one of my friends near Mulund and I happened to get a signal at the the Teen Haath Naka in Thane. Well, it's a pretty long signal of about 160 secs or something. And as every signal in Mumbai is, even this one's a sacred place for all the beggars, vendors and eunuchs who are popularly known as the KAMLAs and the VIMLAs these days.. all thanks aour raido channels.. Although they aren't that frequent at this place but that was their scheduled day I guess.

Anyways, I was waiting at the signal listening to some crap on the radio and this one eunuch happened to spot me and started asking for some money. The excerpt of the same is as follows:

He/She..?? : Aye raaaaajjjjjjuuuu..... kuch de naaaaa rrrreeee...
I : Kuch nahi hain...[I never give money to these people.. Reason,
dunno...]
He/She..?? : Aye chikne....mere hero.. kuch to de... bhagwan tujhe acchi biwi dega
rrrrreeeeeee....
I : Are yaar....bola na..kuch nahi hain... jaao abhi idhar se...
He/She..?? : AAArreee aisaa kya bolta tu.. tvoda to de... Kya rrree Mere LALU...!!!


After these few last words from his/her mouth, I was stunned. I just couldn't digest what I was referred to as and I handed over some money to him/her. The signal was about to go green and out of curiosity I literally looked outta the window to check out what he/she was referring to other automobile drivers at the signal and I was shocked again... Again the same word.
The signal went green and I thought, mebbe they have left the RAJUs & PAPPUs and have found some new ones. Hope so they get over with that one soon…


Cheers

P.S: For people who don’t know, LALU is my pet name, something by which I’v been referred for like 21 fcukin years..!!!

Symphony of the VOID..

Hey everyone

This one's very weird (with a weird title as well). I dunno but such abnormal cerebrations have always been a part & parcel of my not-so-normal head. And i guess many of yours even. So here's one of the few. Enjoy

Have you ever wondered or analyzed what "VOID" actually means. Emptiness is an obvious answer. I know. But I don't simply agree with it. I'm like one of those who happen to have a confused-yet-so-clear temperament about the general scheme of things. Most of my thinking revolves only around one thing..one question.. "WHY NOT..???".And its amusing because it tends to fetch you very distinct opinions & diverging answers as you apply it to the most obvious banal stuff. Thinking like this is difficult yet so simple to comprehend; ugly yet so beautiful in its own sense & mourning yet so blissful in the end. Maybe that's the reason I tend to act so-like-an-idiot in most of the serious situations or maybe a complete shocker at times. Well, that's what I prefer to call "The Symphony of the VOID". The term itself is so ironic, a paradox in itself. How can something which is VOID be symphonic at the same time. It can be. Read on..

The VOID can be anything, anywhere. A person, an environment, a relation, you, me. Anything. The best way to exemplify it to think about a pipe. An empty hollow pipe. A small one. Nothing in it. Total crap. Of no use what-so-ever. But then you pick it up take it close to your ears & whoa..It starts humming.It starts singing into you. The little piece of metal actually stores in itself the magical sound of silence. It stores in itself the sargam, the symphony along with which the entire universe hums in unison. That's the "Symphony of the VOID" which you can only feel. Never express. And its unique to everyone. Difficult yet so simple to comprehend; ugly yet so beautiful in its own sense & mourning yet so blissful in the end. It helps you to answer the trickiest conundrum ever..What is LIFE ???. Simple. Its a VOID. Its a VOID. Yes & the only way to understand it is take it close to yourself & listen to it. You'l be able to hear the symphony as well. The melody which will make your lips curl upto your ears. And then you'l realize the power of EMPTINESS. The power of NOTHING. The Symphony of VOID.

So next time whenever you feel low, depressed, feel like the VOID inside you taking control. Let it do. Because it might just be helping you to understand the SYMPHONY stored inside.


Cheers

LALIT

P.S: Nothing to say. Completely VOID. Hope you get that..:D

A real LAME one..

Hey everyone

No need for any introduction to this. Here's how it goes.

Boy: Hey wassuupp..
Girl: Hii.. nuin much ..u say
Boy: (looking at something) Are i guess your " G string" is about to break..
Girl:(looking confused) What..!!!!!
Boy: Are see.. now.. (snap)..I told you naa..
Girl: OH F**K..!!!
Boy: Don't worry.. I have an extra one.. You can use mine..But make sure you don't
hit as hard as you did the last time..
Girl: Yea sure..I'l make sure it doesn't happen again.. Thanks..
Boy: Anytime dahlin.. Anytime...

Cheers

LALIT

PS: The 3rd string of a guitar is named as "G". And ha.. Guys do carry an extra one in case of emergencies like above.:D

Saat Samundar..Dhik Chik Dhak Chik...

Hey everyone

Its been a long since my last post. And it was a bit serious too. So I was just wondering for the past few days what next to write about. Hmm.. then I kinda recollected this another stupid incident happened with me & my friends. So here's an insight into our stupid world...

It was last year I guess & there was some occassion when all of us had gone out for a late lunch. Late, because when we guys start deciding about what place to go, time just flies away in a jiffy. And we end up going to the same place always...So as expected, even this time it was the HIMALAYA restaurent near Shanmukhanand Hall in Sion. We hogged some good punjabi dishes as usual & were on our way back to matunga station. We thought of walking it up till there for many reasons..the prime most being noone ready to shell out a single penny on the cab...( yes.. we are cheap..!!!)So.. there we were, 5 dolts walking on the footpaths on our way back.

As we near king circle, we sight a "GANNE KA JUICE" waala. We go in to have a glass each. As soon as we enter, we are welcomed by some loud music played in the shop's background & the amplifier was blissfully playing it at a full bass. We all sit there. Everyone looks at each other & in split seconds we are on our feets--dancing to the track SAAT SAMUNDAR. Some age old famous DIVYA BHARTI track.

We all start singing loud---

WE-- Saaaaaaaat Saaaaamuuuunnndaaaarrr...

LOUDSPEAKER-- Dhik chik Dhak Chik...Dhik chik Dhak Chik...

WE(again)-- Saaaaaaaat Saaaaamuuuunnndaaaarrr...

LOUDSPEAKER(again)-- Dhik chik Dhak Chik...Dhik chik Dhak Chik...

WE & LOUDSPEAKER together-- Saaaaat Saaaammmuuunnndaaaarr paaaar mein tere peeche
peeche aaa gaaayiii...

(Meanwhile our glasses arrive at the table. One of my friends, K, lifts his glass,holds it on his head & starts dancing again. Inspired by him, others follow suite-- Drunkards high on nothing.)

WE & LOUDSPEAKER together-- Zulmi meri jaan.. Zulmi meri jaan tere kadmon ke neeche
aa gayi.... Saaaaat Saaaammmuuunndaaaar.... wah...


Hahaaha... We come to our senses after finishing the glasses & also the juicewala is about to pack up. We thank him for the juice & the free ENTERTAINMENT & We all head back on our journey again enchanting the two golden words-- Saaaaat Saaammmuunnndaaarr..Dhik chik Dhak chik...

Cheers

LALIT

P.S: Sugarcane juice can actually give you a HIGH at times.

Enjoy...